And some crazy Calcuttan

Came up with this really interesting alphabet for 'bheto-Bangalis'.. read and laugh:

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the
> average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work.
> And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will
> arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea
> break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break
> for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2,
> break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go
> home at 4:30. It's a hard life!
>
> B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't
> have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are
> wearing spectacles all the time.
>
> C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word
> for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the
> night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na
> ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'
>
> D is for Debashish or any other name starting with
> Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has
> to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish
> everywhere and trying to get creative they are also
> called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo,
> Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali
> exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie
> Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali,
> especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every
> year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.
>
> F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in
> rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the
> Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such
> strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a
> fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what
> feeesh is theesh!'
>
> G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good
> name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like
> Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girls
> will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku,
> et cetera.
>
> H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a
> rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and
> you have the successors to The Bheatles!
>
> I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones
> which would kill any ordinary person, but which the
> Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self-respecting Bengali is complete
> without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where
> he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing
> number of things in. Even as you read this there are
> two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they
> all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher
> Jhol is a close second.
>
> K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite
> Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of
> Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire
> Bipasha Basu).
>
> L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People
> in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing
> it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the
> local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition
> to Mt Everest.
>
> M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose
> antics would effortlessly frighten the living
> daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as
> Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked.
> It is the most interesting naked word in any language!
>
> O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of
> mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the
> nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on
> the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).
>
> P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite
> phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an
> expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are
> Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city
> comes to a stop.
>
> Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the
> Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could
> think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they
> never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath
> got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all
> Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their
> acceptance speeches as if they were directly related
> to the great poet and walk with their head held high.
> This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down
> at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all
> non-Bengawlees' ! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close
> second !
>
> S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a
> genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that
> he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old.
> Of course they will see to it that he stays in good
> form by doing a little bit of 'jawggo' and 'maanot'.
>
> T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still
> trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's
> faster to walk.
>
> U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is
> handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most
> non-violent violent people around. When an accident
> happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and
> scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but
> the last time someone actually hit someone was in
> 1979.
>
> W is for Water. For three months of the year the city
> is underwater and every year for the last 200 years
> the authorities are taken by surprise by this!
>
> X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park
> Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that
> they must eat cake that day.
>
> Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than
> today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).
>
> Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.