Stuck in Franfurt and other travails

The plane landed at Frankfurt and then spent a good 45 minutes chillin' on the apron. Of course, the airline was too cool to provide us with any connecting gate information. So upon deplaning, I ran like the blazes (not always a good strategy for a brown skinned bloke in Western Europe), got to my departure gate to see the flight pulling away. They had overbooked the flight as a matter of course, so it wasn't as if they were ever tempted to stick around for another two minutes for just one coach passenger. Oh wait, but it wasn't just one bloke in coach - it was more like 50 odd people. This was the line I found when I made it to the transfer desk. Most of us were desis, most of us returning to the Desh and most of us on United (bless their little hearts). They started giving people options:

1. Take the next flight back to the States, and then...
2. Here, follow this agent to the hotel booking desk, you have been chosen to receive a three night stay in Frankfurt, biergartens and nightlife not complimentary.
3. Of course, we can send you through Heathrow (rumour has it that Arrivals at Heathrow had a ginormous sign that said "Payekhana" in the good ol' Bengali script), and since you are a US citizen/greencard holder that is totally cool and you don't need brown people documents like a transit visa.
4. You, good sir are staying in this airport tonight. Since your three year old son appears to be sick, we will be sending him and the mom onwards to Chennai. But via Bangkok.

They took one look at my passport and told me to wait. More doors do open when you are in possession of a greencard. I got elbowed by a scrawny bloke and I was about to do some serious elbowing back when I spotted the anxious wife in tow, complete with infant. Had to back down. Bloke was going to UlanBator. The counter lady was delighted. Finally, someone she could route onwards with a minimum of fuss! (I should mention that Air India was on strike, leading to, umm.. complicashuns.) Anywhoo, by the time I got to the counter (again), the lady had been yelled at, had snot nosed kids dribble snot all over her desk and their sweaty, angry parents yell at her (again). So she sent me on to Doha, Qatar, with an effin' 14 hour layover and then Kolkata. I hid my grin as I asked for a mealvoucher and pheuncards. 14 hours in Doha would be fine. I fucken' hate overnighting at Mumbai or Dilli airports. They ship you to the domestic terminal which quite literally goes dark, apart from the one shitty fast food stall where the price gouging is done with a certain vindictiveness that I cannot account for. As I said, Doha was fine. My meal voucher got me some nice pork chops and a truly wonderful doppelbock. 

In the meantime, I had made some travel buddies. Most prominently, this one desi gentleman who was in the oil business and spends three weeks in the Gulf of Mexico and three in Mumbai. Hell of a life. Anyway, toasted his good health with the doppelbock and hopped on the Qatar Air flight to Doha.

The trip out

Ya' know, I had planned to write this, and several other blogs while in India. Leetil did I know that vacations can be so strenuous. So here I find myself writing up the collected experiences of a midsummer trip to India, where amongst other things, I got hitched.

But before all that, way before all that - the trip outbound. 

Drrr Kovalskyy and his family had very kindly agreed to drive me to Houston - a rather longish trip. The conversation veered to the study of English and its comparison with various European languages. And somehow, I found myself frantically googling Past Perfect Participles and Gerunds. I have managed to spend half my life steering clear of the nuances of grammar (having studied at CBSE schools helped), and being asked such perplexing questions were causing me to have Vietnam-like flashbacks. Of primary school, that is. 

I must mention Dr. Dan Streetmentioner who had compiled the most comprehensive and authoritative handbuch of grammar - one equipped to deal with the very complex situations arising out of time travel. There was, I believe, something called the "Future Semiconditionally Modified Subinverted Subjunctive Intentional". Grammar Nazis, or Gnazis (the 'G' is silent, just like the 'P' in Psmith) as I like to refer to them can rarely be reasoned with. Flamethrowers are recommended.

Anyway, we made Houston in excellent time and the plane toodled off. Shortly after take off, I found out, to my deep disgust, that United (and apparently most other US based carriers) have now begun charging for the booze on international flights. The shame of it all! Will airlines never learn? Here is a simple lesson. If you are an airline exec, please take it to heart:

1. Free booze makes people happy.

2. Free booze makes people sleep on flights.

3. A flight full of sleeping passengers, dreaming nice dreams is a good flight. People will not loiter around the walkways and the restroom.

4. So please serve free booze on international flights.

Ok, enough with the booze. When you fly long distance, I recommend the "Hindu meal". Hot veggie food, and it is always served before anyone else gets their meal. Alright, so after hopping over the pond, we finally made it to Frankfurt. Where the plane landed and then spent a cool 45 minutes chillin' on the tarmac. Of course they didn't bother giving us any gate info about connecting flights, 'cos that would have been too convenient. So I ran a brief obstacle race to my connecting Lufthansa flight to Mumbai which was pulling away from the gate even as I got there. 

Things were getting interesting.